Saturday, April 28, 2012

final draft of letter to priests about mother's day blessing

Okay, its final unless someone has huge problems with the few sentences I've added.  The new additions are in green.  Our parish is a Newman Center so I thought it would be important to acknowledge women who are healing from post abortion.  Also, I moved a sentence and changed just a few words.  Thanks for all the support with this.  I'm a little nervous about sending it but, we have 3 priests and I'm not sure which one to go to with a face to face conversation.  Plus, I want to make sure the message is conveyed in a coherent and charitable way and I think I'd be too nervous/emotional to do that in person.  No doubt, my friend who just had a miscarriage will be at Mass that weekend so I'm offering up my nervousness for her and her hubbie.  If you have any concerns about the letter, please let me know!

Dear Fathers,

I am writing this letter in regards to the annual blessing given to mothers on Mother's Day and fathers on Father's Day.  Over the past few years, I've become active in an online support group for Catholic women who are experiencing the cross of infertility.  While I myself have one child, I suffer from secondary infertility.  I'm in the unique position to receive the blessing and yet have a heavy heart for the children that are my heart's desire.   I also hear stories every year through this support group about how hard Mother's Day and Father's Day Mass is for those who are experiencing infertility, for those who have had miscarriages and for those who are single waiting to be married.  It's especially difficult when you
strive to* follow the teachings of the church regarding sex and birth control, are open to life and for one reason or another are not able to conceive.  It's even more painful when miscarriage is involved. Although I haven't personally read anyone's struggle post abortion, I would assume women who are at Mass on Mother's day and are healing from abortion would also be in pain.  While many of the women and men I know accept the cross of infertility and are open to God's will, the journey is hard and can be lonely. Would you prayerfully discern making the blessing more inclusive of all women and men in their unique vocation as mothers and fathers, including spiritual motherhood and fatherhood? The blessing can be an opportunity to help heal those who are suffering, acknowledge those living out a vocation as a single person and also support mothers and fathers in the thick of parenting living children.  The spirit of this letter is not meant to be one of complaint nor entitlement.  I am only attempting to bring to light a painful issue that can potentially marginalize the faithful.  I trust that whatever decision you make about the blessing will be in our best interest.  If you would like more information or if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.  Please know you are in my daily prayers!

God Bless You!

With love,

made for another world

*didn't want anyone to assume I'm perfect in this area


  1. I absolutely love the letter, and I'm so glad that you included people trying to heal post abortion as well. I also can't tell you how much it means for me as a single person that you included single people as well, because many of us are not single by choice and ache for parenthood as well. Whether they are able to change anything or not, I think it will help them to be more aware of some of the more hidden pains of those struggling with various issues, and it is beautifully written.

  2. What a great letter! You are so brave to have written it. Hopefully it will help them be more understanding.

  3. Love the letter! I also love your courage in sending it!! :)

  4. I'm so glad you wrote this letter. A priest at my parish did that in the Mothers' Day blessing 2 years ago: he included expectant mothers (he singled out me because I was only a few weeks along at the time) moms who have had miscarriages, abortions, and those who wanted to be moms. He didn't make a big deal of these additions and the blessing proceeded smoothly. :)

  5. LOVE IT!!!
    I'm so impressed by your writing!

  6. That is such a beautiful and thoughtful letter!! Well done and definitely very courageous in writing and sending it. :)

  7. Great letter! We are going to put parish/diocesan resources on our webpage ( and we're wondering if you would be willing to let us post this letter (with credit given to you) on our resource page so that other parishes/dioceses may also use something similar? Feel free to email me at catholicinfertilityjourney [at] yahoo [dot] com

  8. What a wonderful letter! So well written!

    Thank you for writing this. You are very brave.

  9. I delivered your beautifully written letter to my parish pastor today. I changed a tiny bit to fit my own situation but 99% of it was all you. A friend of mine whom I'd showed the letter to, complimented me profusely on what a great write I am. I reminded her that someone else (you) wrote it. You managed to write with clarity, vulnerability, humility, and directness simultaneously, something I could never do. THANK YOU SO MUCH! You made this infertile's Mother's Day that much more bearable. God bless!