Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Joy in Suffering

Many authors have hashed this out in many different ways.  I'm hashing this out in a very elementary way to help me understand more fully.

As I stood at my stove a few weeks ago, wishing I had more children, I realized my joy, my faith is witness to those around me who know my wish.  I am a shining light for Jesus because I suffer.   I want.  Yet I believe and trust.

I stood in line at the pool concession stand yesterday.  Earlier in the day, I had burned my hand and I needed a steady stream of ice water to cool the burn.  The ice water had turned tepid and my hand was on fire.  I thought about asking the kids at the front if I could cut.  I know them from Religious Ed.  They would have gladly let me in.  As I contemplated what to do, I started to think about women around the world who burned their hands that day trying to cook on open fire.  Certainly it happens all the time if I I burned my hand on my first world stove.  I thought of dirt floors and bare feet and tin walls.  I thought of flies buzzing and dirty water and humid air.  I prayed for these women and their families as I waited in pain.  The pain connected me.  It opened me up.  It humbled me.  I was thankful for it.

The joy in suffering isn't just a page in a book anymore.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

You are Saints!

The same day you all started praying, Guitar Man and I took a step toward healing.  We weren't really speaking about the issue- it was like beating a dead horse.  I showed him my blog the day after I posted and he said, 'When did they start praying?"  I said, "Yesterday."  His eyes got really big and then we shared what were each working through and realized that your prayers coincided with a step toward acceptance.  A step toward surrender.  A step toward trust.  It is still a time of difficulty, but we are pointed in the right direction thanks to you, the saints in heaven, our heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart ladies.

May God bless you with a day full of joy and peace!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Update and a Request

Hello Everyone!
Lots going on over here in Northern Illinois...
So happy for all the great news out in blogland!  The recent adoptions and pregnancy announcements are so exciting.  I inadvertently removed my Infertility Support blogroll (yikes).  I was moving all the ladies that now have babies to the other blogroll and accidentally removed the whole thing!  Oh well...it will take some time to build it up again.

Guitar Man and I are facing a difficult time in our marriage.  It's happened before and it will happen again.  But, the fact is that it's not easy.  I'm over the fear part- that was last week. It's one of those things that will make us stronger, but very easily could lead to bitterness.  It's about rooting out sin, becoming vulnerable and opening ourselves to God's grace.  Unfortunately, I can't be specific- it's intensely private and if anyone IRL that I didn't trust found out, it would make the situation even more difficult.

I married Guitar Man because he's never let me down- EVER.  We've always grown and changed together so we've never grown apart.  But, for the past two weeks, we haven't been on the same page- there's been a distance.  I hate it.  I hate admitting it.  But, it's true.  We have to start with the truth so we can move forward.

I'm on day 6 of saying the Thirty Day Prayer to St. Joseph for him and for our marriage.  For the month of July, I am focusing on serving him in ways that matter to him: having a dinner plan, organizing the basement storage room, being off the internet when he's around, playing classical music on Pandora, sitting with him in the evening and gently touching his back or feet.

Would you please say a quick prayer for us?  We will be okay, but I trust your prayers will lighten the load and clear the way.   This little community packs a powerful punch in the prayer department.

Love you all and hope today brings you peace and joy.

God Bless.