Saturday, November 17, 2012


At my last appointment, the doctor suggested HCG.  I'm on progesterone post peak and my last P+7 blood draw looked good.  She's recommending it because I'm getting one or two deep breakouts each cycle and one turned into cellulitis last spring.  Yuck.  And Ouch.  They don't think it's related to the progesterone, but thought we might as well see if this has an effect.  I have a few questions for you ladies...

1)  Are there short and long term side effects of HCG?

2) Any tips on giving the injections?  Does it have to be in the behind?

I've totally put off starting this for two months.  The prescription was sitting at the pharmacy that long.  I'm a little nervous about the injection and the side effects.  I feel so good right now- I don't want to mess it up.  Plus, I really haven't researched this drug at all.  The Napro nurse called me this week to see how it was going (I love that he calls to check in on me...) and I told him I hadn't started.  He told me this might make me feel even better and "it might be just what I need."  I was very clear the last time I was in that at this point,  treatments would be for general health and not fertility related.  That could change, but that's where I am right now.  He gave me a little bit of hope with that last sentence.  I haven't given up hope, but it's been fading over time.  Not fading in a bad way.  Just naturally fading as I enjoy and am thankful for the life God gave me.

Love you guys- praying for you everyday!!

Friday, November 2, 2012


I am happy for anyone who announces a pregnancy.  Anyone.  And I say a silent prayer of thanksgiving for another life on the planet and for a family who is open to it.

But, when it's not one of you guys, one of you who's been waiting for so long; I get a pit in my stomach and think, why can't it be you?  Just once.

I want to quit all the other blogs because I'm not sure if I can take one more.  But, then I'll wonder if I've missed an announcement.  I wonder whose next.  Simcha?  Rachel?  Arwen?

And then I look at my pimply chin and feel my tender breasts and know Aunt Flo is on her merry frickin' way.  I think about the HCG waiting for me at the drug store and I just want to ignore it all.  And pretend my body is normal.

Then I say a prayer for all the women in crisis pregnancies around the world.  Women without access to healthcare. Women in abject poverty with no clean water and no food and no shelter.  Women in refugee camps. Women in war torn regions.  I imagine them and their fear and I bring it to the Lord.  I do it to help give me perspective.  It's my sincere hope that God uses my selfishness to bring relief in some small way to them.

I've been wanting to say this for ages.  Please know that in all of my complaining and aching for another child, I am thankful for the one I have.  I want you to know lest you think I'm a spoiled brat for wanting more.  I know I'm spoiled.  I want you to know I know.