Not for blogger tonight, or last night or the night before. I'm having a heck of a time commenting. All in His Perfect Timing and Two Plus One Equal Three- I had long comments for each of you and poof! Gone. Disappeared. I'm praying for both of you! And that's not even the comments I tried to leave last night or the night before...You are all in my prayers!
I was sitting in my car waiting for Dr. LaSalle to call for our latest phone appointment. I was tired, frazzled and nervous. I'm at a stand still with what to do about adrenals and thyroid. I'm confused and all wrapped up in what questions to ask and anticipating what she would say. And, I'm so very tired of feeling like crap all the time.
As I was waiting, the Early Childhood Special Education teachers were loading up the kids on the buses to go home. The teachers, assistants, bus drivers and bus assistants were so loving and careful while handling their precious cargo. I couldn't help but think this is one place where the rubber meets the road in the pro-life discussion. These kids are the ones who are often aborted if their disabilities are known during pregnancy. The people who serve them, school personel and caregivers alike, humbly sacrifice day in and day out. They sacrifice money, esteem, physical comfort. No, it's not all candy and roses. They aren't perfect. But, they are there. Touching, lifting, hugging, holding, loving- everyday. What a testament to life- to real, Gospel living.
I started an Examen as I waited. I usually to through each part of my day and pick one big thing I'm thankful for in each part. But, today as I thought about my day up until that point, I found time slowing down. I realized that when I got up, I walked with my own two legs to the coffee maker. I did so without pain. When I started my shower, the water was hot. Oh, and that bed I got out of was warm and there was a wonderful man laying next to me. And he was breathing and healthy and he would be up in an hour so he could go to work. Work that was steady and safe. Just like my work. The prayer book I opened was true and beautiful, touched by the wisdom thousands of years of apostolic tradition. And I could read the words. Someone had taken the time to teach me to read. Then, I read the actual words Jesus Christ spoke two thousand years ago. Right in my living room. And I knew in my heart of hearts that if it was all taken away from me, I would still be precious in God's eyes and that I could trust His plan for my life. I hardly got anywhere with the Examen as I was thinking about all the things I did this morning that I take for granted.
Thoughts on adrenals and thyroid and food allergies and secondary infertility faded away. They were crowding up my head and choking the still small voice that cries,
"Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, I love you."