Sunday, March 25, 2012
Something Beautiful for God
Guitar Man's first instrument is the accordion. Yes- you read that right. He has a strong distaste for the instrument of his youth. It's heavy, physically difficult to play and it brings back bad memories. But, every once in a while, he pulls it out and plays at a family gathering and immediately the mood is lifted. He even played at my sister's wedding. He played a special polka version of Hey Jude by the Beatles. Anyway, twice a year, he's asked by the local retirement home to play some oldies. He never refuses even though he doesn't want to do it. I don't brag on Guitar Man much, but he is great with senior citizens. He knows their music and cultural references of their youth. They love him. This is a sacrifice for him. He does it with style and grace and I am so proud of him.
Excuse the blurriness of the pictures, our camera is not working properly- we are getting iphones in a few weeks- YAY!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Seven Quick Takes- Goal Weight Edition!!
I made my goal weight in Weight Watchers this week- YAY!!! They give you a range to and I picked the highest weight as my goal. I think some more weight will come off as I keep up this new lifestyle- maybe 5 more pounds. We'll see. Here are the top 7 ways I lost 20 pounds.
-1-
The Anti-Inflammatory Diet
I haven't been perfect, but in general, I follow this diet. Basically, no processed or fast food, potato, and tomato. Lots of mushrooms and fish. I've also taken out dairy and grains. I make lots of Paleo recipes. Wellness Mama is my favorite. Not one of her recipes has failed me.
-2-
Sleeping
I'm trying to get better sleep. I'm not perfect about getting 8 hours, but that is my goal. I probably get more like 7 each night.
-3-
Exercise
I take 2 15 minute walks a day. One is at lunchtime. The other is after school. I also do 20 minutes of hard cardio like swimming or running during the week. I added this when a YMCA satellite location opened at a school one block from my house. It literally takes me 2 minutes to run there from my house. What a blessing! On the weekend I do an hour long run. Again, this doesn't happen perfectly everyday, but it's a goal. I want to add some yoga stretches and weights for about 10 minutes in the morning, but haven't been able to squeeze them in yet.
-4-
Going to a meeting every week
Food has been a life long addiction for me and facing it every week helped me chip away at bad habits and face the fact that I have a disordered attachment to food.
-5-
My leader
She is super encouraging and positive.
-6-
My friend J
We go together. She has some more weight to lose and I'll be going each week with her until she reaches goal.
-7-
Learning not to be so hard on myself
This could be a post in and of itself. But, by going every week, I had to fact the fact that I was so hard on myself that I didn't want to face the scale. I was equating my worth with the number that is on the scale. I've always had a hard time reconciling the fact that God didn't want me to be the weight I was, but he still loved me no matter what weight I was. My all or nothing brain took a long time to wrap it's head around the fact that both could be going on at once. I'm still working on it though. Just like I'm working on the sleep and exercise and the anti-inflammatory diet. It's a work in progress.
If you told me a year ago that this is how I would lose the weight or that it would take a year, I would have laughed. I never in a million years thought I'd find an hour a day to exercise or be eating such a limited diet. I always hated walking. People really can change. I pray that He guides me through the next phase of maintaining these wonderful habits. God is good! God Bless you tonight.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Your prayers were felt! For many reasons, I became burned out last week.
1) Practicing for two weeks during lunch and after school for this:
It was the annual talent show at our school and the teachers always do an act. If you watch (I don't expect you to!!), I'm second from left with hot pink boa. We had a blast practicing. Dancing is totally out of my comfort zone and I need my lunch time to be by myself. In those fun personality tests, I always come out 50/50 introvert/extrovert so I have to be really careful to take time by myself.
2) Meeting after meeting after school and before school.
3) AJ had a bad dentist appointment- he has 3 cavities in permanent teeth. The child has a history of bad teeth and has had extensive work done on his baby teeth. I've mentioned before that he had developmental delays as a younger child and this is a direct result of them. He's got sensory issues with his mouth, low tone in his tongue and would not eat when he was born. We had to have a feeding specialist come to the house for 2 years to help us learn how to feed him. Even with that help, his diet is very limited and he's not getting proper nutrition. Of course the doctor thinks he's fine because he's a good weight, his blood work is normal and he's generally healthy. But, IMHO, he's missing key nutrients from foods like vegetables and meat and that has to impact his oral health. He also has motor planning issues (he has to be specifically taught any complex motor task with great repetition). Last time we saw the dentist, he recommended an electric tooth brush. I never explicitly taught AJ to use it and don't check on him while he's brushing. Big mistake. He hasn't been brushing well. Okay, I'll stop about that one...
4) My main meal that I was going to eat throughout the week was a total FAIL so I didn't have a plan for several dinners.
I started eating fast food to compensate for my feelings of frustration and that is definitely NOT on the Anti-Inflammatory Diet. This burn out feeling is new because it's always been buried under the crushing fatigue. After I was able to identify what was happening (which took 3 or 4 days) and ask for help, it got better. I went to Adoration for 15 minutes, slept in for a few days and just generally took off doing much around the house for the rest of the week. By Saturday it was better. I had to cancel a few plans for the weekend which always makes me anxious, but I got over it.
Sorry for the boring post- it's cathartic to write it all out.
Thank you again for your prayers! You all are in mine each and every day!
May God Bless You!
1) Practicing for two weeks during lunch and after school for this:
It was the annual talent show at our school and the teachers always do an act. If you watch (I don't expect you to!!), I'm second from left with hot pink boa. We had a blast practicing. Dancing is totally out of my comfort zone and I need my lunch time to be by myself. In those fun personality tests, I always come out 50/50 introvert/extrovert so I have to be really careful to take time by myself.
2) Meeting after meeting after school and before school.
3) AJ had a bad dentist appointment- he has 3 cavities in permanent teeth. The child has a history of bad teeth and has had extensive work done on his baby teeth. I've mentioned before that he had developmental delays as a younger child and this is a direct result of them. He's got sensory issues with his mouth, low tone in his tongue and would not eat when he was born. We had to have a feeding specialist come to the house for 2 years to help us learn how to feed him. Even with that help, his diet is very limited and he's not getting proper nutrition. Of course the doctor thinks he's fine because he's a good weight, his blood work is normal and he's generally healthy. But, IMHO, he's missing key nutrients from foods like vegetables and meat and that has to impact his oral health. He also has motor planning issues (he has to be specifically taught any complex motor task with great repetition). Last time we saw the dentist, he recommended an electric tooth brush. I never explicitly taught AJ to use it and don't check on him while he's brushing. Big mistake. He hasn't been brushing well. Okay, I'll stop about that one...
4) My main meal that I was going to eat throughout the week was a total FAIL so I didn't have a plan for several dinners.
I started eating fast food to compensate for my feelings of frustration and that is definitely NOT on the Anti-Inflammatory Diet. This burn out feeling is new because it's always been buried under the crushing fatigue. After I was able to identify what was happening (which took 3 or 4 days) and ask for help, it got better. I went to Adoration for 15 minutes, slept in for a few days and just generally took off doing much around the house for the rest of the week. By Saturday it was better. I had to cancel a few plans for the weekend which always makes me anxious, but I got over it.
Sorry for the boring post- it's cathartic to write it all out.
Thank you again for your prayers! You all are in mine each and every day!
May God Bless You!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Lenten struggles- Prayers please
It happens every Lent. I'm not sure if I'm under attack or it's just the time of year. My Lenten practices are a total FAIL and I'm giving into temptation left and right- especially with food. Can you please send up a simple prayer for me? It's hard for me ask this! Maybe that's the devil too.
God Bless you and thank you in advance.
St. Michael, pray for us!
God Bless you and thank you in advance.
St. Michael, pray for us!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday night jitters
Phew! It's been quite a ride this weekend and my nerves are frazzled to prove it! I haven't felt this way since the Great Adrenal Fatigue Episode of 2009.
Reason #1: I spend 9 hours this weekend cleaning out the office I share with my dear friend. We have shared this office for 12 years and she is taking the year off for medical reasons. Our classrooms connect through the office and it's been great for our friendship and our professional relationship. Teaching can be very solitary and sharing an office is very intimate. Anyway, we have the reputation of having a messy office. Our classrooms always look neat and orderly because we have a place to stash all the unsightly artifacts that working with children produces. Our office failed the annual fire inspection. Ordinarily, I'd be ticked that we have to move filing cabinets and bookcases that have been in place for 12 years and never failed any other inspection. But, after saying the Serenity Prayer a few thousand times and going to through anger management training and after having been through the most ridiculous changes at school over the last 4 years, I've gotten used to surrender. Even though I firmly believe there are too many chiefs and not enough indians (so sorry that is so not PC), I've resigned to the fact that I don't want to be a chief and am a lowly indian so I better just buck up and follow the directions.
Reason #2: I had a cup of coffee this morning. Haven't had coffee in months and boy, it totally revved me up today.
Reason #3: Guitar Man told me right before Mass today that he saw an ambulance in front of our neighbors house as he left. AJ and I go to Mass separately because AJ has RE beforehand. My neighbors are the most wonderful people and I was so worried. They are fine- it turns out the ambulance was for another neighbor. G and L are in their late 70s and they are such wonderful role models to us. They are immigrants from Germany. They grew up during WWII and came here with nothing. G actually spent 5 years as a refugee in Norway. They were housed in a prison (can you imagine?) and thought their father was dead. The Red Cross reunited them and they moved here. Anyway, they are just a delight and I am so thankful to God that they are healthy tonight.
Reason #4: God, in His infinite mercy, gave me a surprising gift this weekend. No, I'm not pregnant. It's a gift I never knew I needed and am totally unworthy of receiving. He affirmed me, He validated me, He used an outward sign to show His love. It's a whole post in and of itself because it's complicated and layered and personal. I've never done well with affirmation or validation. So. I'm just trying to let it sink in past the coffee jitters and speak to my soul.
May God Bless you tonight.
Reason #1: I spend 9 hours this weekend cleaning out the office I share with my dear friend. We have shared this office for 12 years and she is taking the year off for medical reasons. Our classrooms connect through the office and it's been great for our friendship and our professional relationship. Teaching can be very solitary and sharing an office is very intimate. Anyway, we have the reputation of having a messy office. Our classrooms always look neat and orderly because we have a place to stash all the unsightly artifacts that working with children produces. Our office failed the annual fire inspection. Ordinarily, I'd be ticked that we have to move filing cabinets and bookcases that have been in place for 12 years and never failed any other inspection. But, after saying the Serenity Prayer a few thousand times and going to through anger management training and after having been through the most ridiculous changes at school over the last 4 years, I've gotten used to surrender. Even though I firmly believe there are too many chiefs and not enough indians (so sorry that is so not PC), I've resigned to the fact that I don't want to be a chief and am a lowly indian so I better just buck up and follow the directions.
Reason #2: I had a cup of coffee this morning. Haven't had coffee in months and boy, it totally revved me up today.
Reason #3: Guitar Man told me right before Mass today that he saw an ambulance in front of our neighbors house as he left. AJ and I go to Mass separately because AJ has RE beforehand. My neighbors are the most wonderful people and I was so worried. They are fine- it turns out the ambulance was for another neighbor. G and L are in their late 70s and they are such wonderful role models to us. They are immigrants from Germany. They grew up during WWII and came here with nothing. G actually spent 5 years as a refugee in Norway. They were housed in a prison (can you imagine?) and thought their father was dead. The Red Cross reunited them and they moved here. Anyway, they are just a delight and I am so thankful to God that they are healthy tonight.
Reason #4: God, in His infinite mercy, gave me a surprising gift this weekend. No, I'm not pregnant. It's a gift I never knew I needed and am totally unworthy of receiving. He affirmed me, He validated me, He used an outward sign to show His love. It's a whole post in and of itself because it's complicated and layered and personal. I've never done well with affirmation or validation. So. I'm just trying to let it sink in past the coffee jitters and speak to my soul.
May God Bless you tonight.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Infertile at 40
What does that even mean? Does it mean I'm just experiencing the normal decline of fertility? Or does it mean that there is more going on like hormone imbalance, structural issues, endo, chronic infection etc.?
For the two years we've been actively trying to become pregnant, I've also been battling chronic fatigue. When I first started charting Creighton, it was to become pregnant. Then, after realizing how exhausted I was, the main priority of treatment with Napro was to fix the fatigue. Through progesterone supplementation, T3 and dietary changes, the fatigue has lifted. The questionnaire they have me fill out asks to give a percentage of how normal you feel. I'm at 95%.
Now that I'm feeling better, I feel the priority shifting to becoming pregnant. And as the months go by, my anxiety increases. And honestly, because of my age, the hope decreases each cycle. I'm not sure what the next step for us will be. We went into this without wanting tons of intervention. I don't believe God is calling me to go all out to have another baby. By all out, I mean more meds, ultrasounds, lots more blood work, etc. It would put too much strain on our family that has been strained by my fatigue for years. I'm not saying that lightly- this is after much prayer and discernment. Of course, I can't read the mind of God. But, it's the current conclusion I've reached after contemplating the desires He's placed in the my heart and the duties He's placed in my life. It could change next month. Can you tell I've been reading Abandonment to Divine Providence? Ha ha!!
I'll be emailing my chart to Peoria on the next CD1 which, by the state of my chin (2 zits- yes, zits at 40!) and sore boobs, will be in a little less than a week. I'll probably visit the surgeon to see about a lap. I would consider the lap because the doc said if I do have endo, it's important to remove it for general health reasons, not just to increase fertility. But, other than that, I think I'm at the end of the Napro road.
I'm sad about the fact that I probably won't have another baby. I'm losing hope that I'll ever be pregnant. I'm increasingly anxious during the 2WW. I didn't even chart this month after my period ended. I had horrible CM too. We've been trying for 2 years. But, I've been waiting for 10 years to have another baby. Those eight years of waiting for my husband to be open to another child taught me how to handle this time. It's not pretty. It's not easy. But, it is led by God with the knowledge that His peace is around the corner if I keep a grateful and humble heart.
For the two years we've been actively trying to become pregnant, I've also been battling chronic fatigue. When I first started charting Creighton, it was to become pregnant. Then, after realizing how exhausted I was, the main priority of treatment with Napro was to fix the fatigue. Through progesterone supplementation, T3 and dietary changes, the fatigue has lifted. The questionnaire they have me fill out asks to give a percentage of how normal you feel. I'm at 95%.
Now that I'm feeling better, I feel the priority shifting to becoming pregnant. And as the months go by, my anxiety increases. And honestly, because of my age, the hope decreases each cycle. I'm not sure what the next step for us will be. We went into this without wanting tons of intervention. I don't believe God is calling me to go all out to have another baby. By all out, I mean more meds, ultrasounds, lots more blood work, etc. It would put too much strain on our family that has been strained by my fatigue for years. I'm not saying that lightly- this is after much prayer and discernment. Of course, I can't read the mind of God. But, it's the current conclusion I've reached after contemplating the desires He's placed in the my heart and the duties He's placed in my life. It could change next month. Can you tell I've been reading Abandonment to Divine Providence? Ha ha!!
I'll be emailing my chart to Peoria on the next CD1 which, by the state of my chin (2 zits- yes, zits at 40!) and sore boobs, will be in a little less than a week. I'll probably visit the surgeon to see about a lap. I would consider the lap because the doc said if I do have endo, it's important to remove it for general health reasons, not just to increase fertility. But, other than that, I think I'm at the end of the Napro road.
I'm sad about the fact that I probably won't have another baby. I'm losing hope that I'll ever be pregnant. I'm increasingly anxious during the 2WW. I didn't even chart this month after my period ended. I had horrible CM too. We've been trying for 2 years. But, I've been waiting for 10 years to have another baby. Those eight years of waiting for my husband to be open to another child taught me how to handle this time. It's not pretty. It's not easy. But, it is led by God with the knowledge that His peace is around the corner if I keep a grateful and humble heart.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
7 quick takes- Sunday edition
-1-
I just figured out that I can reply to comments on my blog through gmail. Duh!!! Just took 6 months to figure that out!
-2-
The super clean out of 2012 started off well and then hit a snag this weekend. I did the 27 fling boogie each day on the garage and it's done!! Yay! We can park a car in there now. The garage isn't clean by any means, it's just picked up to get a car in there. I don't have time to do the one hour of work this weekend because I totally overbooked myself. I'm not happy with myself at all. I have 3 social engagements. Plus, I always have to work at school for at least a few hours so there goes all my time. Hopefully, I will live and learn.
-3-
I gave my maternity clothes to Goodwill. Even if on the off chance I get pregnant, I'm not going to want to wear 11 year old maternity clothes anyway. Even so, I was sad as I drove away.
-4-
With the whole rythmn word I'm focusing on, I'm realizing how distracted I am and how hard it is for me to concentrate. When I do finally get going on a task, I become super focused and it's hard for me to be flexible and stop or be interrupted. This is good information for how to move forward even if I'm not sure how.
-5-
I'm starting a laundry experiment that Lauren from Magnify the Lord suggested. It's weird and goes against everything my mother taught me about laundering. She would be appalled if I told her that I'm trying this. You do a load a day of whatever everyone wore that day. No separating. Just one load of everything. I just now got all caught up with the laundry so we are starting tonight. I'll keep you updated.
-6-
I am doing horrible with trying to be on time. It's making me really anxious and frustrated because I'm late for nearly everything. Not super late, no more than 15 minutes but, still, when you are trying to be on time an you are always even a few minutes late, it's frustrating. I'm pretty sure it's related to #4 so if I can try to stop what I'm doing, it might help. AAARRRRRGGGGG.
-7-
My saint for the year is St. Roque Gonzalez de Santa Cruz and the little I know of him, I love him already. He was a Jesuit martyr and I'm really interested in Ignatian spirituality so he is perfect for this year. It doesn't seem like there is much info on him so I'll have to do some hunting.
Many of these quick takes could be expanded into posts. I guess I have some blog post ideas ready!!!
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