tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39124728758746536152024-03-12T19:02:56.996-05:00Made for Another World"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. LewisMade For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-4413859113318043572014-04-09T15:04:00.001-05:002014-04-09T15:09:05.738-05:00Mother's Day Blessing Letter to Priest and Two Blessings<div class="ecxim" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white;">Rewrite, edit, do whatever you want to it if you want to use it! I posted <a href="http://dwellinhope.blogspot.com/2012/04/final-draft-of-letter-to-priests-about.html">this</a> a few years ago. I'm sending it today after last year's <a href="http://dwellinhope.blogspot.com/2013/05/learned-my-lesson.html">disappointment</a>. After the wonderful discussions on <a href="http://theroadhomewv.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2014-03-21T17:38:00-04:00&max-results=5">spiritual motherhood with Rebecca</a>, I reworked the sentence on spiritual motherhood and fatherhood. Let me know if you have suggestions!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white;">Dear Fathers-</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white;">Easter blessings to each of you!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">I am writing this letter in regards to the annual blessing given to mothers on Mother's Day and fathers on Father's Day. Over the past few years, I've become active in an online support group for Catholic women who are experiencing the cross of infertility. While I myself have one child, I suffer from secondary infertility. I'm in the unique position to receive the blessing and yet have a heavy heart for the children that are my heart's desire. I also hear stories every year through this support group about how hard Mother's Day and Father's Day Mass is for those who are experiencing infertility, for those who have had miscarriages and for those who are single waiting to be married. It's especially difficult when you strive to follow the teachings of the church regarding sex and birth control, are open to life and for one reason or another are not able to conceive. It's even more painful when miscarriage is involved. Although I haven't personally read anyone's struggle post abortion, I would assume women who are at Mass on Mother's day and are healing from abortion would also be in pain. While many of the women and men I know accept the cross of infertility and are open to God's will, the journey is hard and can be lonely. Would you prayerfully discern making the blessing more inclusive of all women and men in their unique vocation as mothers and fathers, including what we are all called to be: spiritual mothers and fathers? The blessing can be an opportunity to help heal those who are suffering, acknowledge those living out a vocation as a single person and also support </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 6px;">mothers and fathers in the thick of </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 6px;">parenting living children. </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 6px;">The spirit </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">of this letter is not meant to be one of complaint nor entitlement. I am only attempting to bring to light a painful issue that can potentially marginalize the faithful. I trust that whatever decision you make about the blessing will be in our best interest. If you would like more information or if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Please know you are in my daily prayers!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">Love,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">Made for Another World</span><br />
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<span style="color: white;">Here are two blessings I found last year- not sure if I will include with the letter or not:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">T</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">o those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">stains – we appreciate you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">running away—we mourn with you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">mean to make this harder than it is.</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">with you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">your experience</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">anticipate with you</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have</span><br style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">real warriors in our midst. We remember y</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">ou.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">God our Creator, we pray:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">for new mothers, coming to terms with new responsibility;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">for expectant mothers, wondering and waiting;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">for those who are tired, stressed or depressed;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">for those who struggle to balance the tasks of work and family;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">for those who are unable to feed their children due to poverty;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">for those whose children have physical, mental or emotional disabilities;</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #0c343d; color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">for those who raise </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">children on their own;<br />for those who have lost a child;<br />for those who care for the children of others;<br />for those whose children have left home;<br />and for those whose desire to be a mother has not been fulfilled.<br />Bless all mothers, that their love may be deep and tender, and that they may lead their children to know and do what is good,<br />living not for themselves alone, but for God and for others.<br />Amen.<br />Happy Mother's Day!!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #3d85c6; color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-12587001719921696422014-02-26T22:39:00.003-06:002014-02-27T06:11:22.636-06:00Catholic IF Blogs: My takeI've said before and I'll say it again, this little blog community has changed my life. The stories from all of you and your willingness to email and share medical advice have healed my body. The spiritual and emotional aspect of the blogs helped me know I wasn't alone as I battled secondary infertility. A few weeks ago, someone asked Simcha Fischer if she knew anyone who had Simcha's style, but had secondary infertility. The blogs this reader had encountered were "holy" and "I'm going to offer it up" type women. She wanted someone who was willing to say it sucked while trying to live God's will. My first instinct was that she hadn't found our little community! Then, I was wondering if she had found it and that's her impression. Then, it got me to thinking why that might be someone's impression of this community. I came up with some possible reasons. <br />
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1. The bench isn't deep: NFPers are in the minority. Take the small fraction of that minority who can't get pregnant, and you have a super minority. We are in that super minority. And, out of all the Catholic IF bloggers, I can't think of one who is professional writer like Simcha. Don't get me wrong, there are some fantastic writers in our community, but I can't think of one who does it as their main gig. We all have day jobs. And really, since I haven't blogged since November, can I really count myself as an IF blogger? Hmmm. <br />
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2. The subject matter just doesn't lend itself to humor or lightheartedness: The medical visits, emotional pain and spiritual trauma are hard to joke about. When you are dealing with someone who isn't able to fulfill what they believe their vocation to be, it's hard to make light of it. There is no one in my real life that gets IF. I don't know a single person (except for my Creighton practitioner and doctor) that understands what I'm going through in this area of my life. I try to explain it, but it's all too foreign- the charting, the hormones, the traveling to weird doctors, the why in the heck wouldn't I do IVF? I'm a very jokey person- I laugh all day long about a variety of stupid things. But, it's really, really hard for me to be lighthearted about IF. It will be one of the greatest regrets of my life. And that's really not funny. This is the only place I can read and talk openly with people who get it. So, it is a serious place for the most part. When I think of the mommy blogs who have shared serious topics such as infant loss or a sick child, those posts are jarring and sad and just awful. But, then they are interspersed with cute kid posts. Well, that can't really happen here. There's no break from IF. <br />
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3. The secondary infertility issue: Then there's that. What do you identify with? Mommy blogs or IF blogs? For me, it is an identity issue. It's super confusing when you are both. Where do you belong? Well, that's why my blog is named Made for Another World. I do not belong in this world (this earth, not the IF world!) and having secondary infertility has taught me that. Right now, I'm okay with truly not fitting in anywhere. But, there was a time when I wasn't okay with it. I'm sure in the ebb and flow of life, I'll be back to feeling alone at some point. Well, that sucks and not fun. But, after reading your stories and rooting around the internets and all the people I've encountered IRL, I'm starting to think that no one really feels like they really fit in anyway. I'm thinking it's normal to feel this way. I tend to identify with the IF bloggers more because I've found more authenticity and rawness in their stories. They aren't writing as a brand or with a voice or to reach a certain amount of readers. They are real women working through the fight of their lives. <br />
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4. The women here really ARE holy (minus moi). For many of them, this journey has made them holier than they were when they started. Not being able to conceive while being open to life in the midst of a culture of death tends to do that to you. I hear your wisdom and I see your holiness. You are light in the darkness. Thank you for shining bright. <br />
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Just a few thoughts rattling in this ol brain of mine.<br />
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*disclaimer: this post wasn't meant to be defensive about what was said about this community- just some musings on my impressions of this community and why others may view us in a certain way (okay, that was a horrible sentence- I have to go to bed now and that's the best I can do.<br />
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<br />Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-6024476274748919732013-11-03T18:25:00.000-06:002013-11-03T18:43:37.665-06:00Kaput on the way to StuttgartWe stopped the Autobahn on the way to Stuttgart. The Autobahn was a parking lot as our car burned to the ground people. Our IRL friends and family were not surprised by this occurance- weird stuff usually happens to us. Most of the time, it's our fault. This time, it was most definitely NOT our fault. <br />
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The couple we were staying with has a son who was playing in a baseball championship in Stuttgart. The dad of the kid, the kid and our kid (AJ) went ahead to Stuttgart for practice and warm ups. Guitar Man, my friend A and I followed a day behind in our rented van- the van we were planning on traveling in for a week. Guitar Man drove and he, with all due respect, isn't the smoothest driver on the road. He is safe- never been in an accident, but just a little jerky on the brake and the steering wheel. I'm used to it and have his rhythm down pat and can totally roll with it. It's like a dance- he leads and I follow. </div>
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We were jerking along just fine for a few hours until the car went a bit haywire. The dash started blinking and Guitar man couldn't put the car in gear. We found a shoulder to turn off on and called the insurance company. While we were calling, white smoke started coming out of the engine- we thought it was steam and just stayed put. About 5 minutes later, the smoke turned gray. We got out and Guitar Man emptied the luggage onto the shoulder. I thought he was over-reacting. Soon a few cars stopped to help. They called the fire brigade and the police. After about 10 minutes, flames started coming out of the engine compartment and in less than 5 minutes the entire car was engulfed in flames. Pops and explosions and rolling debris were frequent. For every explosion, my friend A and I jumped out of our skin. The jumpiness wouldn't leave until the next day. I'm sure it did wonders for our adrenals. We moved farther away and finally the police and fire brigade showed up. They put out the fire (it seemed tricky to put out). From the time the fire started to the the time the car was engulfed in flames was about 15 minutes. The car burned for another 20-30 minutes before the firefighters put it out. <br />
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The fire chief took us the nearest town where we got on a train to Stuttgart. On the way he told us the fire was electrical and we were lucky. We were worried about liability and how we would get home and what would happen to the rest of our trip and we were trying not to think of what could have happened...how much worse it could have been. We were very, very thankful that the kids were not with us. We just sat with stunned, dumbfounded looks on our faces and made jokes to lighten the mood. <br />
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We had to board the train without tickets- evidently the Germans don't usually check tickets. The ticket machine was broken and we didn't have time to walk to the station to buy a ticket. Of course, they decided to check our tickets- the tickets we didn't have because they USUALLY don't check tickets! When my friend tried to explain what happened, he just looked at us dumbfounded and let us ride for free. We smelled like fire so I guess he believed us. He kept saying, "Kaput?" and we kept saying, "Kaput!"<br />
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The silver lining in all of it was that the driveway down to the villa we were visiting in Tuscany was completely treacherous and had one hairpin turn that our replacement car barely made. We had to burn the parking brake and make a 5 point turn to get the minivan down (and then back up) the villa drive. The van we originally had wouldn't have made it to the villa since it was much bigger and longer. Another example of how something bad really turns out for the best. <br />
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Here's some video of us going down the villa drive. I'm the one giggling and ignoring AJ as he keeps trying to talk to me. Mother of the year. The video doesn't seem to capture the fact that we are bumping along two strips of concrete through the Tuscan mountains with a steep drop off on one side. The video stops at the hairpin turn. Wish I would have kept it rolling:<br />
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Here's my rendition of a hit song whilst viewing our van burn to the ground:<br />
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Thank you for humoring me and reading our car fire story (if you made it this far!). <br />
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God Bless You!<br />
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Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-2533570998076338282013-10-19T14:46:00.002-05:002013-10-19T14:51:23.596-05:00FruitThe longer I didn't update, the easier it became to not update. Lots of negatives in that sentence, huh? Jen's <a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/09/the-mental-neat-freak.html">revelation that she needs to write</a> struck a chord with me. I need to write for the same reasons. I often go back over old posts to re-read them and they help me process my feelings and memories. <br />
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Unfortunately, I'm a perfectionist and I don't have a lot of time to blog. By the time I read everyone's blog and comment (sometimes) and check facebook, my internet time is over. Now that I'm friends with bloggers on facebook and in the IF group, I have even less time to blog. Plus, I'm a teacher and am very hesitant to share certain things on a semi-private blog. I'm also in a new phase of infertility. When I started this blog, I thought our chances of having a baby were over 50%. Now, I think they are under. Way under. I'm not totally okay with it, but I am consoled. So, what to do with the blog. Not sure. But, I need to write. So, it will continue with short posts that will not be heavily edited. In other words, posts written very quickly! We'll see...</div>
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Missed you guys although, I've been reading your blogs for the past 3 months!</div>
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This summer was one of bearing fruit. It was much needed after a difficult season. Our trip to Europe was fabulous. My sister visited for 2 and 1/2 weeks and then the friend we were visiting in Germany visited for 2 weeks. Our summer was non-stop visiting and hanging out. Then, Guitar Man released his self-published novel at the end of August. That will be another post in an of itself. He worked on it for 3 years- carving little bits of time from our overburdened schedule. Saying I'm proud of him is only the beginning. To top it all off, our god daughter was born and baptized. She was prayed for and wanted for so long. </div>
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Here is a video of our trip. It's long- I'm putting it here for my reference so no pressure to watch! Although, if you start it, you'll see video of our car fire on the Autobahn at the 20 second mark. Yes, we shut down the Autobahn as our van burned to the ground. St. Christopher kept us safe and we had plenty of time to evacuate the car!</div>
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Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-35702206805439325472013-06-19T00:27:00.000-05:002013-06-19T00:41:20.638-05:00The Hormonal PilgrimBeware: Poorly written, let-it-all-hang-out blog post ahead. Way to many 'I's. Read at your own risk.<br />
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Ladies- the past 3 months have been a hormonal roller-coaster hell. I did HCG for 3 months and it gave me anxiety. At least I'm almost positive it did. Evidently, I'm the only person my doctor knows of who has this side effect. Since I stopped, not one horrible heart palpitation, not one day of a knotted up stomach, not one day of deep breathing to no avail. Then a month without any meds ended in a total fatigue nightmare. I crashed about three weeks ago in the middle of the last few weeks of school- horrible timing. I crawled across the finish line that was the school year. Last week, I was post-peak and called the doc and they gave me plain old progesterone which is what I was on before the HCG. After a week of incrementally feeling better, I'd say I'm functioning at 90%. I am not sure what my future holds with these meds. Peak +7 bloodwork? Taking a different route with a nurse practitioner in town that said she'd work with me? A serious email to Sew? Who the heck knows. The last few months were a good reminder of 2 things:<br />
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1- So much of life is <a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/page/2">circumstance</a> (see number 6). If I had to function at any length of time with how I felt, I couldn't do my job. The brain fog was constant and severe. I walked around like a zombie not able to concentrate, prioritize or enjoy. My anxiety and subsequent fatigue effected my marriage, my friendships, my prayer life, my housekeeping, etc. Note to self: don't judge others- you just don't know their particular circumstances and don't be so hard on yourself- your circumstances are sometimes such that you can't DO IT ALL. <br />
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2- Thank you, God for Napro and the fact that I can make one phone call and a healing prescription is immediately ready at the local pharmacy and it's covered by good health insurance. I am indebted to Dr. Hilgers and all the ladies who have already gone down this path. <a href="http://theroadhomewv.blogspot.com/">Ripple effect?</a> <a href="http://eccefiat11.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-ripple-effect-maybe.html">I think so!!</a> Praise Jesus!!!!!<br />
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I'll have to make those decisions in a few weeks because......<br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;"><b>We are going to Europe!!!!!!</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;"><b>And we are going to Pope Francis' audience next Wednesday!!!!!!!!</b></span><br />
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After two years of saving and making the tough decision to forego some much needed cosmetic home repairs because of increased airfares, we are going. My very close friend moved to Germany last year. She also has an only child the same age as AJ. God's perfect timing has worked out a dream trip wherein we drive all together in a VW van through Italy to Slovenia, Guitar Man's family homeland. I say God's perfect timing for many reasons. One, our friends aren't believers and the fact that they wanted to go with us to Rome and are attending the audience with us is very moving. Two, my hubs is very much an introvert and I never thought this type of trip was ever in the cards for us. He's beyond excited and he's worked very hard to save money for this experience. Three, my cousin is in Tuscany the exact time we are driving through the region. I only have 3 cousins on this planet and one of the beloved three is staying in a freaking villa on our route through Italy. You guys, this kind of stuff doesn't happen to me. We are staying with her for a night and touring Florence together. I haven't seen her in 3 years and she's gone through some rough times and I can't wait to chat with her face to face and give her lots of hugs. <br />
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I'm going to say it. I haven't said it to anyone. But, I think it all the time as I pack and shop and talk about the trip to friends. You are safe and you will understand. <br />
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I would give up this trip in a heartbeat if it meant I could have a baby. <br />
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There I said it. It's the elephant in the room and we can look at it and acknowledge it. <br />
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Then I think, we could have used the money to save for an adoption or treatment. What do I do with that? All I can say is that we are making the best of the gifts God has given us. I'm not feeling called right now to adoption. I can barely manage the treatment we do now much less more tests and procedures.<br />
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So, this is the plan. <br />
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I am going to soak up this trip. The friends. The family. The pilgrimage. The beauty. I am going to live in a state of thankfulness. After the toil of the school year, the anxiety, the fatigue, the longing for another baby, He has given me a beautiful gift all wrapped up with friends and family and fun. I certainly don't deserve it based on all my whining and complaining. This is the gift God gave me and it's not second rate. It's perfect. He knows just what I need and I trust Him. <br />
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It is my hope that I return rested and restored so that there is less of me and more of Christ. <br />
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All of you will be in my prayers during our trip, especially at the Holy Father's audience. <br />
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Love to all of you. <br />
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Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-28175551660058168962013-05-22T22:11:00.000-05:002013-05-22T23:02:29.058-05:00Saying Goodbye to a DreamFor the past few years I've been giving up another dream besides having another child. <br />
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It's my dream of being a classroom teacher. <br />
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It's so hard to type these words because they've only been in my mind- racing incessantly round and round. I've spoken them only to a few very trusted people. Thought them and spoken them so much that now I'm ready to make them a bit more real by putting them in writing. <br />
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Right now, I am following my dream of being a classroom teacher. That is what I do and what I am. And, I love it. I work in a beautiful school with beautiful children and beautiful families and beautiful colleagues.<br />
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But. <br />
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It's just not working anymore and it will only get harder.<br />
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The system I worked in used to be good and positive and full of common sense. <br />
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It still has many of these aspects because of the people who work so hard each and every day. But, the federal law and high stakes testing have infiltrated our little district out here in the heartland.<br />
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I used to believe in major initiatives and was enthusiastic. <br />
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Now my class size is 28. It used to be 20. I work in a high poverty area so having 8 more kids is a huge difference.<br />
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We are adopting the Common Core Standards which for many reasons, I can't seem to fully embrace.<br />
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In 2016, my evaluation will be tied to how my students perform on a test that is linked to these standards. <br />
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I want to ramp up and rise to the challenge. I want to fight.<br />
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But, I think God is calling me in a different direction. <br />
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He's whispering to me that the fight is not mine to fight. It's meant for someone else.<br />
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He is not being loud and clear like he usually is during tough decisions. <br />
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But, I think he wants me to make this decision for myself. Because I'm strong enough now. I've died to myself enough that I can see the strength in it. I still have more dying to do- obviously since this post is all about me, me, me, me. <br />
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I'll probably be in my position for another year or two. I will probably move into a special education resource position. Still a challenging position, but one with a bit more flexibility and more suited to my God given talents.<br />
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I will very, very, very sadly say goodbye. <br />
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It was a good run.<br />
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The plan was to change jobs if I had a baby. Now, I'm looking to change anyway which just seems to pour salt in the wound of not being able to get pregnant. <br />
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God, help me accept your will and hear your voice among the sadness and grief. Give me strength to BE NOT AFRAID. Help me remember that my value is not measured by my position or my marriage or how many children I have. You love me and want what is best for me. I love you. <br />
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<br />Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-74952217457911948002013-05-12T12:01:00.001-05:002013-05-12T12:02:15.712-05:00Learned my lesson...I just assumed. I assumed that I didn't have to send the<a href="http://dwellinhope.blogspot.com/2012/04/final-draft-of-letter-to-priests-about.html"> letter</a> this year since we have the same pastoral staff as last year. Unfortunately, the blessing was off the cuff by the priest and all the mothers had to stand and it was the standard 'all mothers are a gift blah, blah, blah.' I was pissed and my face showed it. How can a church so open to life, so easily marginalize those in pain? Thank God the homily was about how we are Jesus' arms and legs. And, if we are wondering why someone doesn't do something about a wrong, that's probably God prompting US to do something about it. Of course the priest didn't mean any harm. Of course mothers are a gift- a beautiful gift. It's just a reminder that I have to keep an open dialogue with my priests. My anger melted into prayer...a prayer for all of you in pain today. <br />
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Next year, I will send the dang letter...Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-51553610199991889992013-03-19T21:50:00.000-05:002013-03-19T21:50:27.402-05:00Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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On this St. Joseph's Day, the day our new Holy Father was inaugurated, I turned 42 years old. His love of the poor has given me strength as I live and work among the poor. His example has taken some fear, some shame away. Thank you Pope Francis for being an inspiration and sharing your simple, yet orthodox spirituality with us. <br />
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God Bless Pope Francis!<br />
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<br />Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-29234241460832857082013-02-19T16:45:00.000-06:002013-02-19T17:23:16.345-06:00FreakI am a freak for Jesus. <br />
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Why else would I subject myself to conversations that defend the church's teaching on contraception and ART while I can't conceive another child? <br />
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Conversations that are so difficult to have because the topics, words and vocabulary I use are so very foreign to the listener. <br />
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I look like a complete freak. <br />
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I get the feeling that the people I speak with (which are only a few) feel sorry for me because they perceive me as a sucker for belonging to an oppressive church. <br />
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Then, I think of the Litany of Humility.<br />
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And, the Sorrowful Mysteries- particularly the crowning of thorns. Jesus gave me a supreme example of how to love and suffer and be humiliated. <br />
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Then I think of all of you. And, I know I'm not alone.<br />
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Do you ever feel like this? <br />
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Thanks for having my back. Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-79501540897901699172013-01-21T11:43:00.002-06:002013-01-21T13:23:18.215-06:00Being a Catholic Work-Outside-the-Home Mom is not a Second Rate Life (Neither is a life being a Work-at-Home Mom or a Single Person or a Widow or .... you get the picture?)When we reverted to the church in 2000, I had only a vague notion of the Church teachings on birth control, had never even heard of the Theology of the Body and had no idea that there were happy, large Catholic families, much less homeschooling families. After reverting and having a child, I started learning about our faith through different media. Relevant Radio and different Catholic blogs became my Catholic community. Somehow, I started to believe that the ideal Catholic family was large and homeschooling or at least sent their child to a Catholic school. My family certainly didn't match the ideal. So, how was I going to reconcile this supposed contradiction? I started by believing that my husband and I were doing something wrong. I looked around at my life and saw the fruits and they were rotten. The mess. The disorganization. The fatigue. This was indicative of my poor choices. <br />
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But, there was always this confusion because I believed I had followed God's path for my life. Even if I wasn't always connected to the Church, I was always very connected to Him (more precisely, He was connected with me). Always talking to Him. Always listening. And, one day, as I was opening up my apartment door, He gave me an overwhelming, palpable peace about the decision to marry the man I married. And, when that man asked me if I wanted to quit my job to stay home with our baby and I said, "No," that "No" came from my heart and He was written all over my heart. Both of these decisions were like stepping off of a cliff because they meant my life would be hard. Marrying an artist/philosopher and being a work-outside-the-home mommy is hard (I say this with full knowledge that many of us have hard lives- just hard in different ways) . But, the decision was very, very clear. </div>
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I ended up in a fight with myself. I was living this life that wasn't ideal. I believed that because I was on the wrong path to begin with as far as following the teachings of the Church, that somehow, those decisions resulted in my current life being second-rate. In the deepest part of my heart, I believed that if I knew all of these teachings 20 years ago, I would have a brood of children and would be homeschooling in a large, beautiful home. But, God gave me this second-rate life. It didn't make any sense since I followed what I thought to be what he wanted me to do along the way. Enter, Mary, Untier of Knots. She sent my Catholic therapist and the chapter on Mistaken Beliefs in The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne. The big question Bourne has you ask in challenging your beliefs is:</div>
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Is that always true? </div>
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So I put this belief to the test: The ideal Catholic family is large and the mommy stays home to care for the children. And, if you are in line with God's teaching, you will end up with this life. </div>
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Is this always true? </div>
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No. It's not. </div>
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There are tons of examples to choose from. Priests and Nuns. Many saints. Widows. Sick mothers. Single women. Infertile and subfertile women. All the women throughout the centuries who died young leaving children behind. Refugees. Women in abject poverty. Illiterate women. The list could go on and on. <br />
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Did I believe their lives were second rate? Absolutely not. <br />
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So what really makes a life ideal? </div>
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Real Gospel Living. Listening to Jesus' words instead of the world's. <br />
Being open to God's will whatever that means. <br />
Trusting without knowing why.<br />
Being kind and not judging another's path. <br />
Loving others through your questions and pain. <br />
Understanding that His yoke is easy and His burden is light because you are right where you need to be. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other in faith. And, you can rest when the day is done.<br />
Modeling your life after the prodigal son's father. <br />
Accepting that He has left you His peace. <br />
Know that you are commanded not to worry. <br />
BE NOT AFRAID!!!!!!!!!!<br />
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Jesus never said that if you follow his teaching you will be healthy and prosperous. He never said your house will be clean and organized. His fruits aren't material. His fruits are spiritual. And, boy oh boy, I had gone down the wrong path. I was so good at listening to the Holy Spirit, but I was horrible at listening to the Evil One. He was whispering right along with the Good One and I was buying his lies. Hook, line and sinker. The battle is on sucker!!!!<br />
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The words you are reading in this post took me months to process. I just recently made up with myself. I am not going to apologize for my life or be embarrassed by it or be ashamed of it or AFRAID of it. He gave it to me. The crosses in it are perfect for me as well as the joys. <br />
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Dear Jesus, help me remember the gifts you give me are uniquely mine. So are the crosses. And the gifts and crosses you give others are made just for them. Help me to love as you did and to always look to You as my Lord. Help me love others without idolizing them. I love you. <br />
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Please note: Since I am not a professional writer and am limited in my ability to communicate super effectively through words, I just want to add that this post is in no way written with a bitter heart toward large, homeschooling families. I love large, homeschooling families and they inspire me to no end. This post is entirely my thought process in trying to deal with not comparing my life to any others. We aren't supposed to compare and judge. But, how do we do that? This is how I am coping. I've benefited so much from reading the blogs of mom's of large families. This post is about how I've rooted out some poor thinking habits on my end. Please excuse my limits and the limits of this medium if in anyway it sounds bitter or unloving. </div>
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Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-11925151563850296942013-01-11T18:22:00.000-06:002013-01-11T18:25:41.146-06:00Quick Takes- Updates<div style="text-align: center;">
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year friends! Our holiday was festive, fun and full of illness. I'm pretty sure I brought the flu home. I coughed for 3 weeks and for several days was on the couch achy and my skin felt so, so sensitive. Does that ever happen to you? I ended up on antibiotics for bronchitis and my asthma became tricky to manage. I ended up working for 5 minutes and resting for 15. All day. For 4 days. It kept the house running and kept me from going stir-crazy. AJ had an ear infection, 2 rounds of strep and a head cold. He's been sick for about a month on and off. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our handcrafted use-what-is-around-the-house advent wreath</td></tr>
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The big one though was my mom. She's better and home now, but on Monday, I got a call at work from my sister saying my mom was being taken by ambulance to the hospital. She was unresponsive when they were trying to wake her that morning. Long story short, she had become severely dehydrated from having the flu and pneumonia. She was in the hospital all week, but now is at home. Since she's on chemotherapy, the flu hit her very quickly. She was only sick for about 12 hours before she became unresponsive. The good news is that she recovered as quickly as she went down. It's been a long week full of lots of ups and downs. They had 2 neon green signs in her room that read: Chemotherapy- Handle Carefully. They were strangely comforting. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom, on right, with her sister who is also a breast cancer survivor</td></tr>
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What I'm thankful for:</div>
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good medical insurance and sick leave</div>
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Two people who are included everyday in my prayers to St. Jude for a healthy pregnancy are pregnant! One is the friend who had the miscarriage last spring so the news is (so hard to describe accurately) complicated. Hard to parse out the sadness, grief, joy and fear. But, joy, is at the forefront. Definitely. </div>
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I don't think I've mentioned that my sister moved to Brazil with her family this summer. She lives in Seattle so having her in Brazil is much the same as far as the schedule of seeing her. Actually, we've seen lots of her since she moved. They came in October and again for 5 weeks in December. It's been blissful having her here with her two girls. We have a great relationship and she helps so much with my parents. My parents don't really need much physical help. But, they need cheerleaders and it's nice to have a partner. </div>
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Also, one of my closest friends moved to Germany this summer. She was also in visiting so I got to see both of my besties this holiday. </div>
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After the shock of having Fr. James Martin comment on my last blog post (!!!!!!!!!!!!), I never returned to reviewing his wonderful book. I will pick it back up though...I hear it calling. </div>
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God is Good!</div>
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Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-50003536221179356482012-12-16T23:11:00.003-06:002012-12-16T23:11:32.870-06:00The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything by James Martin- Chapter 1Hello all! So much for a post every few days- ha! AJ has some nasty virus that has dogged him for three weeks. I haven't been able to do anything extra since I'm taking days off here and there, visiting doctors and just generally trying to catch him up in school. He's still sick so another trip to the doctor is in order tomorrow. Anyway...onto the book!<div>
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I'm going to just quickly outline each chapter with little detail. Then, I'm going to give a short personal reflection. Please feel free to share right along! I'm hoping that by outlining each chapter, the material will be more accessible in my working memory. At the very least, I have a reference in case I want to return to the material. </div>
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Here goes. </div>
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<b><u>Chapter 1</u></b></div>
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<u>What is a spirituality?</u> </div>
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<ul>
<li>How you live in relationship with God</li>
<li>Christian spirituality believes Jesus is the Son of God</li>
<ul>
<li>emphasis on love and charity</li>
</ul>
<li>Spirituality is like a bridge </li>
<ul>
<li>All bridges do the same thing-they get you over rough terrain to a desired place</li>
<li>Different bridges serve different purposes and have distinct advantages and disadvantages</li>
<li>All spiritualities provide passage to God in different way</li>
</ul>
<li>Each religious order has 'family traditions' and a charism that reflects how they relate to God</li>
<li>Hallmarks of Ignatian spirituality</li>
<ul>
<li>Finding God in all things</li>
<ul>
<li>your whole life is related to spirituality</li>
<li>spirituality isn't compartmentalized to a section of your life</li>
<li>Nothing has to be hidden away or feared</li>
<li>Ignatian spirituality guides you in finding God in all dimensions of your life</li>
</ul>
<li>Contemplatives in action</li>
<ul>
<li>prayer is important, but Jesuits are active with their spirituality</li>
<li>use a contemplative stance to inform actions</li>
</ul>
<li>Incarnational spirituality</li>
<ul>
<li>God can be found in the everyday events of our lives</li>
<li>Ignatian spirituality acknowledges the transcendence of God, but also realized the nearness of God</li>
</ul>
<li>Freedom and detachment</li>
<ul>
<li>identifying 'disordered affections'- they are what keep us from really being free</li>
<li>wealth, power, status, etc can become disordered affections</li>
<li>a disordered affection is anything that isn't life-giving</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li>The Life of Ignatius Loyola</li>
<ul>
<li>Born 1491, Basque, Spain</li>
<li>became a soldier, vain personality</li>
<li>1521 leg shattered in battle</li>
<li>While he was recuperating, his sister-in-law gave him a book on the saints</li>
<li>He had nothing else to read- he became fascinated with the saints and wondered if he could emulate them (Martin describes the fact that Ignatius went about the spiritual life in a prideful way. But, really, God "writes straight with crooked lines" and used his pride for good)</li>
<li>He began a year of severe austerity</li>
<li>After many false starts, he decided to get an education at the University of Paris</li>
<li>It was in Paris that he and 6 friends joined together in a vow of poverty. </li>
<li>They tried to petition the Pope to start a new order. But, many were suspicious of the practice of being a contemplative in action. Ignatius was even thrown in jail by the Inquisition for 17 days. </li>
<li>1537- ordained a priest</li>
<li>1540- Society of Jesus was approved by Pope Paul III</li>
<li>Ignatius spent the rest of his days administering the Jesuits, writing the Constitutions and the Spiritual Exercises</li>
<li>Died 1556</li>
</ul>
<li>Constitutions</li>
<ul>
<li>How to live your life with others</li>
<li>Rules of the order</li>
</ul>
<li>Spiritual Exercises</li>
<ul>
<li>How to live your life</li>
<li>4 week retreat- all Jesuits make this retreat</li>
<li>Can be condensed and adapted for lay people</li>
</ul>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<u>Reflection</u></div>
<div>
Okay- that was longer than I thought it would be! I love the metaphor of spirituality being like a bridge. It's so encompassing and forgiving. It's the best way I've read so far of describing spirituality. When I read the 4 main principles of Ignatian spirituality, I was immediately drawn to them. Besides the freedom and detachment, I have a natural orientation toward this spirituality. And, I crave freedom and detachment, it's just not natural for me. </div>
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Okay, I am falling asleep. Please excuse the lame reflection. If I think of more, I'll add to it in the next few days. </div>
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Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-88394173092532207652012-12-02T16:53:00.001-06:002012-12-02T16:53:02.784-06:00Sunday Quick Takes1. Thanks so much for your help with the HCG fear and questions. I was able to inject myself three times- I was supposed to do it four, but I skipped the first dose. I watched a few youtube videos on intramuscular injections. Of course, they were done by women doing IVF and surrogacy- yikes. I was able to do it in my rear and hubby watched the first one. It was a breeze and didn't hurt one bit. Anyway, the first dose was supposed to be on the day before Thanksgiving. Since we were hosting, I was afraid of side effects so I skipped the dose. I'm a rebel. Actually, I feel slightly better on the HCG. My skin is clear! Very tender breasts still. I can't find much info about long term side effects of this drug. That's my next task. <br />
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2. Today I've been sort of weepy which is very unusual for me. Has that happened to anyone on HCG? It could be because I'm in a very, very good place in my life. I feel good. I am untying my thoughts which has given me a huge spiritual lift. I am actually enjoying my life. Yesterday was a wonderful day and I think I might just be crying tears of joy and thanksgiving. <br />
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3. I want to to a series of posts on being a catholic wife and mother who works outside the home. There have been several bloggers that have broached this subject either because they find themselves in the situation where they have to work or because they have a strong opinion one way or another. Maybe after Advent because...<br />
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4. I didn't get signed up for prayer buddies in enough time. I'm bummed, but I'm going to do something in it's place. St. Roque Gonzalez de Santa Cruz was my patron saint for 2012. His name is on a post it note on my computer. It's ripped and tattered. I read about him when he was assigned to me by the saint generator. Then, I forgot about him. Or, more precisely, I didn't pay attention to him. <br />
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5. He was a missionary Jesuit and the first saint born in the Americas. I have often found peace in my struggles being a working mom by comparing my family to missionaries and big homeschooling families to monasteries. If we are a domestic church, that is precisely what we are. We are definitely out in the world hopefully converting others by our living out of the gospel. So, as I prepare for the birth of our Savior, I am going to be praying in earnest to St. Gonzalez for all of you. <br />
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6. And, in honor of St. Gonzalez's religious order, I'm going to do a book series on The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything by James Martin. It's fourteen chapters long so I'll do a chapter every other day or so. I loved the book when I read it a few years ago. But, I read it quickly and it was when I was all foggy. <br />
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7. Praying for all of you tonight as I put up our tree and clean up the house a bit. Our day of rest and relaxation and fun was yesterday ;)<br />
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<br />Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-69603923262687463812012-11-17T13:44:00.003-06:002012-11-17T13:44:25.975-06:00HCGAt my last appointment, the doctor suggested HCG. I'm on progesterone post peak and my last P+7 blood draw looked good. She's recommending it because I'm getting one or two deep breakouts each cycle and one turned into cellulitis last spring. Yuck. And Ouch. They don't think it's related to the progesterone, but thought we might as well see if this has an effect. I have a few questions for you ladies...<br />
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1) Are there short and long term side effects of HCG? <br />
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2) Any tips on giving the injections? Does it have to be in the behind? <br />
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I've totally put off starting this for two months. The prescription was sitting at the pharmacy that long. I'm a little nervous about the injection and the side effects. I feel so good right now- I don't want to mess it up. Plus, I really haven't researched this drug at all. The Napro nurse called me this week to see how it was going (I love that he calls to check in on me...) and I told him I hadn't started. He told me this might make me feel even better and "it might be just what I need." I was very clear the last time I was in that at this point, treatments would be for general health and not fertility related. That could change, but that's where I am right now. He gave me a little bit of hope with that last sentence. I haven't given up hope, but it's been fading over time. Not fading in a bad way. Just naturally fading as I enjoy and am thankful for the life God gave me. <br />
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Love you guys- praying for you everyday!!Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-44243117363856235842012-11-02T09:33:00.001-05:002012-11-02T11:33:24.158-05:00SpoiledI am happy for <a href="http://www.camppatton.com/2012/08/three-years-old.html#.UJPZNG_A80M">anyone</a> <a href="http://moxiewife.com/2012/09/well-hello-there/.html">who</a> <a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/2012/10/the-good-life.html">announces</a> a <a href="http://wellnessmama.com/6039/can-you-guess-a-riddle-and-a-prize/">pregnancy</a>. <a href="http://www.cjanekendrick.com/">Anyone. </a> And I say a silent prayer of thanksgiving for another life on the planet and for a family who is open to it. <br />
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But, when it's not one of you guys, one of you who's been waiting for so long; I get a pit in my stomach and think, why can't it be you? Just once. <br />
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I want to quit all the other blogs because I'm not sure if I can take one more. But, then I'll wonder if I've missed an announcement. I wonder whose next. Simcha? Rachel? Arwen? <br />
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And then I look at my pimply chin and feel my tender breasts and know Aunt Flo is on her merry frickin' way. I think about the HCG waiting for me at the drug store and I just want to ignore it all. And pretend my body is normal. <br />
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Then I say a prayer for all the women in crisis pregnancies around the world. Women without access to healthcare. Women in abject poverty with no clean water and no food and no shelter. Women in refugee camps. Women in war torn regions. I imagine them and their fear and I bring it to the Lord. I do it to help give me perspective. It's my sincere hope that God uses my selfishness to bring relief in some small way to them. <br />
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I've been wanting to say this for ages. Please know that in all of my complaining and aching for another child, I am thankful for the one I have. I want you to know lest you think I'm a spoiled brat for wanting more. I know I'm spoiled. I want you to know I know. <br />
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<br />Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-50310412893223247662012-10-21T00:36:00.001-05:002012-10-21T08:26:45.506-05:00Thoughts on The Proverbs 31 woman****Please excuse the formatting of this post. Once I cut and pasted from the USCCB website, the formatting went bonkers and I don't know how to fix it!<br />
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This is totally off the cuff- no google searches (okay, maybe one to see all kinds of blogs, programs, books dedicated to her- I promise that I didn't click on any of them), no books, no talks. This is just where I'm at in my journey putting together what I've read and heard. <br />
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Before you even start you might want to do some relaxation here:<br />
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And get a pep talk about perfectionism here:<br />
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I've listened to Brene Brown's talks on youtube countless times this Fall. There are about 4 longer ones that I've found. Thanks Elizabeth Esther! Anyway, Brene Brown is light, she's funny and her perspective is very interesting. I'm sure some of her stuff wouldn't jive philosophically with our Church. It's definitely secular. But, she's helped me understand part of what to do with the 'in-between.' How do you live in the in-between of what you want and what your life actually is? She's helping me untie my thoughts and not be so ashamed of the life God has blessed me with. <br />
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First lets look at her (from USCCB website):<br />
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<dd style="background-color: white;">The words of Lemuel, king of Massa. The advice which his mother gave him:</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">What, my son, my first-born! what, O son of my womb; what, O son of my vows!</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Give not your vigor to women, nor your strength to those who ruin kings.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">It is not for kings, O Lemuel, not for kings to drink wine; strong drink is not for princes!</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Lest in drinking they forget what the law decrees, and violate the rights of all who are in need.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Give strong drink to one who is perishing, and wine to the sorely depressed;</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">When they drink, they will forget their misery, and think no more of their burdens.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Open your mouth in behalf of the dumb, and for the rights of the destitute;</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Open your mouth, decree what is just, defend the needy and the poor!</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She obtains wool and flax and makes cloth with skillful hands.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">Like merchant ships, she secures her provisions from afar.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She rises while it is still night, and distributes food to her household.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She picks out a field to purchase; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She fears not the snow for her household; all her charges are doubly clothed.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She makes her own coverlets; fine linen and purple are her clothing.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">Her husband is prominent at the city gates as he sits with the elders of the land.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She makes garments and sells them, and stocks the merchants with belts.</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the days to come.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">She watches the conduct of her household</span>, and eats not her food in idleness.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta;">Her children rise up and praise her; her husband, too, extols her:</span></dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">"Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all."</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.</dd>
<dd style="background-color: white;">Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.</dd><dd style="background-color: white;"><br /></dd><dd style="background-color: white;">1. The whole proverb is advice from a queen mother to her son. So, this is a woman with means. She also appears to be healthy both mentally and physically. Right there, if you have any infirmity or poverty, you have a different state in life. You might not have charges or have a prominent husband or have children or be able to obtain wool from afar. </dd><dd style="background-color: white;"><br /></dd><dd style="background-color: white;">2. This is the kind of woman that I am jealous of. Hate to admit it, but it's true. I look at their lives and think how easy they are. But, really, this proverb is saying that it's a good idea for women with means to work all day and not be idle. It's saying, get your hands dirty, know what's going on, be kind and look out for the poor while you're at it. </dd><dd style="background-color: white;"><br /></dd><dd style="background-color: white;">3. I've highlighted the parts that are related to station in life. The first part of of the proverb is just a set up so really there are only a few lines that ALL women can relate directly to. <br />
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4. Our savior said this (again from USCCB):<br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;">“Blessed are the poor in spirit,</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"> for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;">Blessed are they who mourn</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> for they will be comforted.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> Blessed are the meek,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> for they will inherit the land.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;">Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"> for they will be satisfied.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> Blessed are the merciful,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> for they will be shown mercy.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;">Blessed are the clean of heart,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> for they will see God.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;">Blessed are the peacemakers,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> for they will be called children of God.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;">Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"> for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"> </span></span><span class="bcv" style="border: 0px; display: inline !important; font-family: arial !important; left: -40px !important; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; top: 19px; width: 25px;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;">5. Then our savior said this: </span></div>
<div class="pcon" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px; margin-left: 25px; margin-right: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px 25px 0px 0px;">
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?<b>....</b>Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."</div>
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We are commanded not to worry!!! Thank you, Jesus!!</div>
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<span style="font-family: georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;">6. Finally, my favorite: Jesus leaves us his peace. He wants us to have peace. He doesn't want us to compare, he wants us to live the life he put us in. The more I live, the more I believe the Serenity Prayer has all the answers to the main questions in my life. After saying everyday for several years, it is sinking in:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;">God grant me the serenity</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">to accept the things I cannot change;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">courage to change the things I can;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">and wisdom to know the difference.</span></div>
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<div style="color: black; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;">Living one day at a time;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">Enjoying one moment at a time;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">Taking, as He did, this sinful world</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">as it is, not as I would have it;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">Trusting that He will make all things right</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">if I surrender to His Will;</span></div>
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That I may be reasonably happy in this life</div>
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and supremely happy with Him</div>
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Forever in the next.</div>
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Amen.</div>
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I am enough. My life is enough. It doesn't have to look like the Proverbs woman. But, she points the way for my heart: fear the Lord, think about the poor, be kind. I can take what is important from her and apply it to my life. But, what's most important is what Jesus said. Not everyone's life will look like hers. What do we do then? We trust. And we get through day by day. He sanctifies all of us who can't be the Proverbs woman. She can still be there and we can look to her. He makes is okay that we aren't her. Thank you Jesus for your word, your example, your sacrifice. I love you. </div>
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<br /></dd>Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-28771665749182306472012-10-01T09:56:00.001-05:002012-10-01T09:56:31.495-05:00Untying Knots<br />
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I'm working on 'untying my thoughts' in therapy. My sweet therapist tells me mine are all bound up too tight. I've taken seeking truth and not falling into the trap of relativism a bit too far. It happened when I became serious about my faith. I am uncovering all kinds of thoughts that I have that I didn't even realize were there. </div>
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<i>Catholic mothers shouldn't work outside the home.</i><br />
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<i>Catholic families should be big. </i><br />
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<i>God will bless me if I follow the rules. </i><br />
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<i>I should be just like the Proverbs woman. </i><br />
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Some of this came from Catholic media and how I interpreted it. To be clear, I've gained far more than I've lost from Catholic media. Like I said, these thoughts came from my interpretation of what I was reading and hearing. However, I've learned that even with Catholic media, I must be cautious. <br />
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The best thing I get from Catholic media is the stories. The blogs. The stories of real women living out their faith on a daily basis. <br />
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It's there that I find women who work outside the home for whatever reason. It's there that I find families of all sizes. It's there where I find people who face adversity after adversity and through it all are faithful and loving. It's there that I find women who strive to be that Proverbs woman, yet share the messes and mistakes of life.<br />
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Thank you all for sharing your stories and loosening the knots in my head.<br />
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Mary, Undoer of Knots, Pray for us<br />
Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-85767390916973631472012-09-16T20:50:00.001-05:002012-09-17T05:21:29.615-05:00WordsIt's been quiet around here as I try to figure out a way to make this blog a part of my new<a href="http://dwellinhope.blogspot.com/2012/01/clean-up-time.html"> rhythm</a>. I've been reading and not commenting and obviously, not posting very much. <br />
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I've certainly been praying for all of you. I pray for your intentions each day that I say a prayer to St. Jude, during consecration and during intentions at Mass. <br />
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My home is now organized- ahhhh. Today, I finally finished the last place that needed to be touched which was the shed. The house is not beautified, but it's organized and relatively clean. I did take some before pics and haven't taken any after pics yet. I would never get this post up if I had to do that, too! I can't tell you how good it feels. It was quite the mess and took me the better part of this year to complete. Now, it's on to making it pretty and keeping it organized. <br />
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We are in the process of redoing AJs room to make it not a toddler room. He's actually having a really hard time with the change so I'm not sure how far we are going to get. It was going to be so cool with all white and black Ikea furniture, wall to wall bookcases, orange paint and a dark gray accent wall. We have most of the furniture so that's a done deal. The painter comes Wednesday and we might just paint it the same color it is now which I never liked. But, it's not my room and if I've learned anything from the last 10 years, it's that I'm not in control and that things might not turn out how I'd like. And guess what? The world will not come crashing down. <br />
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I've been working through a book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/1572248912/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347847421&sr=8-1&keywords=the+anxiety+and+phobia+workbook">The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook</a>. While I don't have phobias, I have mild to moderate anxiety. And, I'm quite sure it could turn into a phobia or phobias if I don't nip it in the bud. The hardest chapter has been the one on self talk. I'm identifying what I say to myself in different situations. And, then, rewriting and relearning new thoughts. Wow. It's hard, hard work. It has 4 main types of negative self talk: the critic, the worrier, the victim, and the perfectionist. What's interesting is that I have hardly any victim or worrier in my patterns. It's mostly perfectionist and critic. <br />
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What I've learned is that when I give my thoughts words, I turn from a muddled up mess into a somewhat coherent person. I turn from someone who solely reacts into someone who has a bit of a rudder. This blog helps give voice to the stray thoughts that run through my rattled brain. What's more, is that your voices help me find mine. They give me courage. They inspire me. They have healed my physical body. <br />
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Thank you for sharing. I've missed you. I hope this is a new beginning. <br />
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Love,<br />
MFAW<br />
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<br />Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-20356769031253310762012-08-19T22:50:00.003-05:002012-08-19T22:56:37.057-05:00The Eucharist in TargetWe pulled out of our driveway on our way to Target. My mom and me. Mom and her radiation soaked brain doesn't always know what to say. She asked me if our 3rd bedroom is just a storage room now. I respond that it has AJ's stuff from his bedroom in it because we are painting his room. She doesn't know that we hope to fill it up with another child. She doesn't know that's why the cradle is still in there housing all the stuffed animals. She doesn't know that the computer is on a card table because I hope to God that it doesn't become an office. I can't take down the Noah's Ark wallpaper, not just yet. Maybe in a couple of years. She doesn't know. She stopped asking about another baby when AJ was 5. <br />
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I thank God that it's Sunday and we read John 6 at Mass today. And Jesus lives in me. He loves me. He has a perfect plan and I trust Him. What He's given me is enough. It's an abundance beyond my wildest imagination. <br />
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Mom stops to talk to a one year old playing on the huge red ball outside Target. His mom and dad were probably in their twenties, more than a decade younger than me. The mommy had a newborn strapped to her chest. Newborn was 11 days old. We are inundated at Target with babies, with pregnancies, with newborns. They are everywhere. Why can't I be normal and have more babies? Why? Why? Why? <br />
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It is enough. His lives in me. He knows what He is doing. I trust You Jesus. I can taste the hard bread that was washed down with the tart wine. Thank You for giving me that sensory experience so that I will remember as I walk through Target. Remember that You love me. <br />
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We take a short cut through the little girl bedding aisle. My mom says, "don't you wish you had a little girl."<br />
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I am cut open in an aisle in Target in rural Illinois. But, He's there filling my heart with love, rooting out the bitterness and anger. I hear him whisper, "I love you, it's okay. It will all be okay." <br />
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What the heck would I do without the gift of the living Jesus? <br />
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Thank you Lord for the gift of the Eucharist. I am so weak that I need a tangible reminder every week of Your love, Your sacrifice and Your divine plan. I need Your dry body and the warmth of Your blood in my mouth. <br />
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Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-35337196138028269692012-07-17T09:50:00.002-05:002012-07-17T20:14:07.812-05:00Joy in SufferingMany authors have hashed this out in many different ways. I'm hashing this out in a very elementary way to help me understand more fully. <br />
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As I stood at my stove a few weeks ago, wishing I had more children, I realized my joy, my faith is witness to those around me who know my wish. I am a shining light for Jesus because I suffer. I want. Yet I believe and trust. <br />
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I stood in line at the pool concession stand yesterday. Earlier in the day, I had burned my hand and I needed a steady stream of ice water to cool the burn. The ice water had turned tepid and my hand was on fire. I thought about asking the kids at the front if I could cut. I know them from Religious Ed. They would have gladly let me in. As I contemplated what to do, I started to think about women around the world who burned their hands that day trying to cook on open fire. Certainly it happens all the time if I I burned my hand on my first world stove. I thought of dirt floors and bare feet and tin walls. I thought of flies buzzing and dirty water and humid air. I prayed for these women and their families as I waited in pain. The pain connected me. It opened me up. It humbled me. I was thankful for it. <br />
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The joy in suffering isn't just a page in a book anymore.Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-70532518737815730872012-07-11T10:24:00.003-05:002012-07-11T12:34:35.953-05:00You are Saints!The same day you all started praying, Guitar Man and I took a step toward healing. We weren't really speaking about the issue- it was like beating a dead horse. I showed him my blog the day after I posted and he said, 'When did they start praying?" I said, "Yesterday." His eyes got really big and then we shared what were each working through and realized that your prayers coincided with a step toward acceptance. A step toward surrender. A step toward trust. It is still a time of difficulty, but we are pointed in the right direction thanks to you, the saints in heaven, our heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I thank you from the bottom of my heart ladies. <br />
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May God bless you with a day full of joy and peace!Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-66125978167584334012012-07-07T16:43:00.001-05:002012-07-07T16:44:42.922-05:00Update and a RequestHello Everyone!<br />
Lots going on over here in Northern Illinois...<br />
So happy for all the great news out in blogland! The recent adoptions and pregnancy announcements are so exciting. I inadvertently removed my Infertility Support blogroll (yikes). I was moving all the ladies that now have babies to the other blogroll and accidentally removed the whole thing! Oh well...it will take some time to build it up again. <br />
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Guitar Man and I are facing a difficult time in our marriage. It's happened before and it will happen again. But, the fact is that it's not easy. I'm over the fear part- that was last week. It's one of those things that will make us stronger, but very easily could lead to bitterness. It's about rooting out sin, becoming vulnerable and opening ourselves to God's grace. Unfortunately, I can't be specific- it's intensely private and if anyone IRL that I didn't trust found out, it would make the situation even more difficult. <br />
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I married Guitar Man because he's never let me down- EVER. We've always grown and changed together so we've never grown apart. But, for the past two weeks, we haven't been on the same page- there's been a distance. I hate it. I hate admitting it. But, it's true. We have to start with the truth so we can move forward. <br />
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I'm on day 6 of saying the <a href="http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/thirtydayjoseph.htm">Thirty Day Prayer to St. Joseph</a> for him and for our marriage. For the month of July, I am focusing on serving him in ways that matter to him: having a dinner plan, organizing the basement storage room, being off the internet when he's around, playing classical music on Pandora, sitting with him in the evening and gently touching his back or feet. <br />
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Would you please say a quick prayer for us? We will be okay, but I trust your prayers will lighten the load and clear the way. This little community packs a powerful punch in the prayer department. <br />
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Love you all and hope today brings you peace and joy. <br />
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God Bless.Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-68929422715385709642012-06-25T07:59:00.001-05:002012-06-25T07:59:02.231-05:005 tips for cheap and easy organic gardening (in other words, I'm procrastinating writing a serious post)I have a million ideas running through my head....I'm going to start with the easiest. IE....the least serious. <br />
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I've noticed that usually organic gardening requires either lots of money or lots of do-it-yourself know how. We have neither. So, here are my tips after living in my home for 11 years without using chemicals, lots of money or know-how. <br />
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1. Live in a neighborhood or town that has a range of what's acceptable landscaping. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago where most homes had neat, weed- free, green lawns with evergreens for landscaping and rocks as ground cover. Now, I'm in an a more rural area where weeds and perennials are more abundant. Look for neighborhoods that have cars parked on other parts of the property besides the driveway. <br />
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2. Buy a home where the people didn't take care of their landscaping. Whatever you do, your neighbors will be happy and you'll look like fabulous homeowners. <br />
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3. Of course, weed killer is out of the question. That would be way too expensive and way too do-it-yourselfish and most definitely not organic. The trick to having a lawn made up of weeds and not grass is to mow the lawn before it has a chance to flower. Unless it's when the violets are blooming. A purple lawn is so rad. When there is a drought, you might have to mow because there is a pesky weed that actually flourishes without water and ends up looking like you have a lawn made up of ornamental grasses.<br />
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4. Have your local tree service drop off a mulched up tree that they just took down. Free mulch! Or, free diseased tree that just was taken down and now you are distributing said disease around your yard. <br />
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5. Become a teacher because then you won't be able to shop for flowers until the middle of June when all the flowers are 75% off. Okay, that's not organic, but it's cheap!<br />
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<br />Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-52743313564132317812012-05-26T09:13:00.000-05:002012-05-26T09:13:12.195-05:00Baring my Ambivalent Soul- please don't judgeFirst of all, I thought I've been responding to everyone's comments through email and then while I was reading <a href="http://www.camppatton.com/2011/08/comment.html#.T8Dj67BYtIE">Camp Patton</a>, I realized maybe I wasn't. So, when it says 'noreply,' in the email address, my email for the comment won't go through? For all of you who have been leaving comments over the past few months, oops, sorry! Basically, what I emailed to all of you was, "thank you, god bless you." I love technology but, I'm not a techie!<br />
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We have been on a roller coaster ride over here for the last two months. There's a lot to process and it could take 5 posts. I'll start with the latest. <br />
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Guitar Man and I went to see <a href="http://www.obgynofpeoria.com/tcm-obgyn-news/frontend/meet-our-newest-physiciandr-jillian-stalling-13-1-0.html">Dr. Stalling</a>, the newish Napro surgeon in Peoria. We both loved her. She sat and listened to our story for over an hour. She didn't push, she just suggested. Our next steps will pre peak and post peak blood work to check hormone levels (I'm on progesterone), thyroid check (I'm on T3), semen analysis, ultrasound series, and if all that checks out, a lap to see if there's endo. <br />
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Guitar Man had to drag me kicking and screaming to Peoria for this appointment. I really didn't want to go. Mostly, it was because I kind of knew what she would suggest and I'm not sure if I'm up for it. And, I know for sure even if I was up for it, Guitar Man wouldn't be. <br />
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I type this hoping you won't judge our marriage or choices. We are different than most of you. You are all so freely open and it is such a testament to your faith and willingness to accept church teaching. We came to all of this late in the game. I didn't even know about openness to life and vocation and theology of the body until maybe 6 years ago when I was 35. Then, it took a while for all of it to sink in. Guitar Man isn't where I am in all of this either. And, he thinks he's going to hell for not being open to life when we were younger. That's not going to change his mind about the amount of intervention he's up for. And even though I'm behind all of you in my spiritual journey, I do know that my marriage comes first and I can't let this tear us apart. <br />
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Guitar Man just wants me to be healthy and if a baby results, then great. So, any intervention we would do would be to promote my health. From my standpoint, I'm not sure if I'm up for an ultrasound series. It's a 2 hour drive to Peoria so I'd probably have to stay down there for a few days. Then travel for a few days. That's on top of getting all the blood work done. There is another person to consider in all this- AJ. I don't know if I want to drag him to all of this. Of course a sibling for him would be worth it all and he'd be fine. <br />
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The important question is: what is God calling me and Guitar Man to do next? Right now, I'm very ambivalent about it all. According to what I've read in The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything, this is a good thing. Lots of prayer and journaling and talking are in order. <br />
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I just want to thank you all for your inspiration and your willingness to share your stories. I've learned so much about our beautiful faith through your witness. God Bless you all!<br />
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Next up:<br />
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Vocation and the whisperings of the Holy SpiritMade For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3912472875874653615.post-34587899342617370132012-05-12T19:24:00.002-05:002012-05-12T19:24:48.642-05:00Letter UpdateI emailed the letter regarding the blessing last week to our priests. When I didn't hear anything during the week, I was afraid they didn't get the email. I didn't want to be a pain and email them asking them if they received the original email. And, this week has been so busy that I haven't had time to deliver a hard copy to the church. Then.... this afternoon I received a phone call from one of our priests. He left the kindest message that I will probably keep on the voice mail for FOREVER. He was reworking the blessing and said that he thought that last year's blessing was outdated and inadequate. I guess they took it from the book of blessings that was published in the 70s. He ended the message by saying, " I hope the Lord will bless you in your struggle with the gift of life." <br />
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Those words just touched me so much. Coming from a priest, they were balm for my soul. <br />
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Thank you Fr. C! We love you! Thank you for opening you heart and hearing our cry!Made For Another Worldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16225730808624654372noreply@blogger.com9